Things Are Not What They Seem

I know it is only natural for us to look at someone and make a judgement call on how they are doing.... they look nice, are dressed sharp, nice hair, smile on the face, can converse about the details of dailyness, and even answer "good"when asked how they are doing.  Things are not what they seem.  In everyone's lives, there is so much going on sub-level. We have all learned how to show the side which we think people want to see.  We can become, what John Eldredge refers to as, a poser.  I have never wanted to be a poser and work hard at being transparent, but, lately, I have found that putting on a face is really my way of surviving "outside of the box".  Don't be fooled... beneath the surface, the kids and I are still "inside the box".

We must go about our daily activities, have conversations about other topics, speak when spoken to, smile back to people, and even ask other people how they are doing.  In spite of my outward appearance and actions, on the inside I am feeling like my whole insides are on fire.  It is such a strange sensation.  Sometimes it feels like a heavy weight is being pressed on all sides of my body.  Breathing sometimes feels shallow.  Other times, I can be listening to someone talk to me and my stomach will begin to burn and then the heat will spread to my entire body.  My ears will begin to feel it and all of the background noise will be shut out and I feel like I am in a room without noise, but yet everyone is talking and carrying on with their conversations.  Sometimes it is just an ache or an empty feeling, while other times it is just plain painful.  If the kids and I laugh, the laughter is real, but when the laughter is over, the void, and the pain are still there.  If you look hard enough into our eyes, you can see it.  I see it in their eyes.  It is under there but they are surviving and so am I.  We are walking against a strong tide or wind.   It is a slow walk, but we are progressing, in spite of the force and the sand and dust that is getting in our eyes.

 I just turned to some verses in the book of Psalm that speak directly to these thoughts. (I am forever amazed how God does that.... meets all of our needs.  "....My God shall supply all of my needs according to His riches and glory by Christ Jesus.")

 Psalm 116:1-9
"I love the Lord, for He heard my voice; He heard my cry for mercy.  Because He turned His ear to me, I will call on Him for as long as I live.  The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me; I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.  Then I called on the name of the Lord: "O Lord, save me!"  The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion.  The Lord protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need, He saved me.  Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.  For you, O Lord, have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before the Lord in the land of the living."

I believe His word is true and that it will not return void to us.

Isaiah 40:29-31
"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.  Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;  but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."