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Looking for a Text

Thursday, March 24, 2011
Michael and I enjoyed texting each other.  Sometimes, it was like passing love notes in class. "Date night tonight? :) Yes?" or "thinking of you" or just a simple "I love you" all by itself.  When he was out on a business dinner, an evening meeting, or out of town, I would always get texts from him, in addition to his calls.  If I had gotten busy in the house or was somewhere away from the house, I would come back to my cell phone after awhile to see if I missed a call from him or had received a text.  Last Sunday night, some friends had the children and I over for dinner.  It was a great time of fellowship.  There were lots of smiles, conversation, and games.  I made it through the evening without crying, in spite of the heaviness I was feeling. When I got in the car to go home, I instinctively pulled my phone out of my purse pocket, (because Michael had not spent the evening with us), and checked for a text update from him.  I was just about to pull it out of my purse, when I realized that the evening "Michael's out of town" habit had kicked in and there would not be a text from him.  I was shocked at myself and the human body, which is able to respond with such deeply ingrained habits, no matter what the circumstances. When I had reached for the phone, my thoughts were, "I just spent an evening without him.  I want to share with him and see what he is doing. He has probably sent me a text to check in with me."..... then I caught my thoughts and actions.  I felt foolish, for a moment, that my brain could actually automatically do that in spite of the reality. After the initial shock at my actions, I felt that familiar weight drop down on my stomach.  I began to cry as I realized that part of our relationship was over too.  I was thankful that my friend was with me and was driving that night.  I suddenly missed him desperately and was yearning for just a little message from him.

I, of course, have saved all of our texting conversations.  I discovered one in particular  that he had sent me on December 31, 2010.  As soon as I had read it that day, I handed to my sister, who was standing nearby in the kitchen, and said, "I have such a great husband!"  His text read, "This year will be a year of renewal, discovery, and satisfaction!  You will shine this year and I will be right there to polish you each time you grow dull.  I love you!! " 


I will leave you on that thought.  I am crying and speechless.

4 comments:

kim Says:
March 24, 2011 at 9:07 AM

I am speechless and crying also. Jene, you do have the best husband! He is still there polishing you. You are by far not dull though. You are so blessed to have his words to get you thru your days. I can remember my grandfather talking to my grandmother after she died. He said he would never get used to her empty chair. Now they are together in heaven, what a day of rejoicing that will be. sorry, hymns take over sometime.

You will reach for that phone often and find the words you need for the day. Just like ny bible reading always pertains to soemthing im going thru. I cannot imagine or even pretend to imagine what you are going thru but I do cry with you and for you. I pray for you, think of you and long to visit and give you a hug. We will be coming home sometime soon and i would love to give you a call and maybe you will be up for a visit. til then I will continue to pray unceasingly for you. Michael has a jewel in you. a rare find and he knew it. thats a gift in itself. take care of yourself.
In Him, Kim Spring

Anonymous Says:
March 24, 2011 at 11:24 AM

Was praying for you and the children just this morning. Beyond our human comprehension, I know the spirit world is more real than the natural, as everything came from spirit and there returns. That comforts, knowing those "on the other side" are more real than human terms can express. From that vantage point you are watched, loved, even polished.

Anonymous Says:
March 24, 2011 at 1:47 PM

Awe, Jene:( I'm so sorry you are hurting so badly. I pray for you several times a day. It breaks my heart to hear you say that you are crying. I love you and will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Julie Waites

Anonymous Says:
March 25, 2011 at 5:58 AM

“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.”

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