One Shall Become Two

I was talking on the phone last month with my brother-in-law, who lost his wife to cancer two years ago.  He has two daughters the same ages as my two.  We were talking about how parenting presents new challenges after losing your mate.  He was saying how difficult it can be to meet their needs because where there were two people meeting their different needs, there is now one.  One person, trying to fill the needs that once took two people to do successfully.  My mind continued further in this thought after our conversation.  How ironic this truth is and a miracle that it can be done at all, and done somewhat successfully, with the grace of God working through us.  The truth in Genesis that says,".... and the two shall become one flesh,"  can turn and consolidate back to, one shall become two.

One shall become two. One person doing what once took two.   Where it took two of us to run a household, now must be done by one.  Picking up the children, attending their events, taking them places.... one shall do the work of two.  Recognizing their emotional needs, which took two sets of eyes and hearts before, must now be discerned by one.  I had a "date" with my children a few Sundays ago on my bed.  There were so many things I wanted to share with them, and our lives had been so full of people coming and going, that we had not had the opportunity to gather together with just the four of us. I prayed with them, cried with them, and shared my heart with them.  I shared my hurts and frailties.  I told them that the tears and pain will continue to come and to let them.  I told them they may feel like crying a year or two years from now, and that was okay.  We would continue to miss him and experiencing life without him would be hard.  Going to new places without him would be hard, going to old places would be hard, birthdays would be hard, piano recitals would be hard, graduations would be hard.... Know this going into the rest of our lives.  He will be missed and the tears may arise at unexpected moments.  I gave them "permission" to allow their emotions to continue to rise for the rest of their days.

 I apologized in advance for failing.  I told them that there will be times that I fail as a parent.  I am one person trying to meet their needs that once took two people to meet.  I will not always recognize a need when they have it.  I told them not to always wait for me to come to them to meet a need.  I may miss it sometimes.  I told them to come to me and I will come to them.  I told them their father parented and met their needs in ways that were slightly different than my ways.  We filled in the gaps for each other.  It is just me now and I am praying for God to show me how one shall parent as two did before.

I also realize that God will also use other people to fill in some of these gaps.  For example, Michael Anthony has a need for physical touch through being rough.  He and his dad would wrestle on the floor until someone was hurt, have nerf gun wars inside the house, chase and scare each other, practice defensive footballs stances in the front yard, and dunk each other in the pool. My daughters have been doing a good job of stepping into this role, as well as other men.  I also know that God will place people in our lives who may be able to meet other needs that I will not be able to meet.  But the daily living, loving, and walking together through this life will ultimately fall on me.  

The truth that one shall become two, meaning that one person will fill the gap and try to meet their needs that once had two, is also one of enlightening realization that two really did become one flesh.  Because we were one flesh, I learned from him and had an example set before me of the holistic approach of loving our children as a team.  I learned from him to recognize needs that I would not have seen without him.  I am parenting now, as one, because we became as one flesh.  Because we spent 24 years watching each other and learning from each other, I am now able to see through his eyes.  I now have character qualities and abilities because two became one.  That union is now allowing me, one, to do, what in the beginning, took two..... because two became one flesh, and that one flesh will continue.