I Do

Today, while I was riding in my car with a friend on our way to buy some dog food for my dogs,  I had a melt down over what kind of dog food I buy.  Let me explain.  I had noticed over the last month that there were certain questions which I would have a hard time answering.  Seemingly simple,basic questions about life, not even ones that should stir up any emotions, have turned into inner turmoil for me.  Questions that require an answer like, " Well, we do(this or that)...." would get my heart turning.  All of the questions have been about something that I am presently doing, not something "we" did in the past.... so the answer should be an easy "I".  When, by habit, I answer "we", inside I am reminded that I am no longer a "we".... it is an "I".  Every time I have answered these simple questions, I have kept my thoughts and emotions to myself.  On the inside, I am feeling like,"This is just another reminder that it is just me now."  I think what a hard habit it will be to break free from thinking and saying "we" and simply say, "I".

My friend asked me, "So, what kind of dog food do you buy?".  I said, "Well, we buy.... ". I paused for about 10 seconds, as I was trying to decide if I was going to let my emotions go there or not.  Then, because I was in the safety of a dear friend, I broke down and cried.  I told her that I was having a really hard time not saying "we".  We were on the interstate and I was crying while she quietly held my arm and cried with me.

While thinking about this later, I thought again of some irony similar to "Two shall become one, and One shall become two." (See my post on this topic.)  When we married, we said, "I do."  We were both totally separate people that were coming together as one.  We each agreed to the same charge.... till death do us part.  The "I do" became a "We do" for the rest of our lives together.  We were a team.  We did not do anything without running it by the other person first.  We had to have each other's 100% support before we would move forward.  It was never worth it to move forward if it was an "I".... it had to be a "we".  I learned quickly that it did not pay to force something to get my own way.  There was no enjoyment or peace when selfish pursuits tried to take over.  There was security, comfort, and stability when it was "we".

The great thing about being a "we" was the discussions that took place to get there.  They always started out with "I", then we would consider each other's point of view, learn from each other, or learn from the Holy Spirit, and would become "we" in our decision.  It truly is a miracle, if you think about it.  The miracle, again, of two shall become one.  I do, we did, ..... now, I will.