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Still Missing You

Thursday, April 14, 2011
I have been sitting here reading over my posts which contain two poems that I wrote for Michael.  The first one is, "Missing Parts", which was written while he was with me on this earth, and "I Never", which I wrote after his death. (It poured out of my soul one morning while I was in the shower.)  I was sitting here just thinking about him and feeling his absence and decided to read these.  It helps me feel closer to him by allowing myself to feel everything as I read them.  I cried my way through reading both of them.  I have been flooded with these thoughts lately, especially in our bedroom, bathroom, and closet.

 I am.....

still missing you, still amazed at the love we had,
still missing your heart, still missing signs of your daily life,
still in awe at how God brought our lives together,
still missing your face at the dinner table,
still missing the smell of your cologne,
still missing hearing you yell, "Babe", from another part of the house,
still missing our season of life together, still missing your dirty clothes,
still missing our phone conversations, still missing our love texts,
still missing holding your hand, still missing your arm around my shoulders at church,
still missing our bed time prayers,
still missing seeing you fall asleep sitting up in bed while reading a book,
still missing having a glass of wine with you, still missing your advice,
still missing your curls,
still missing your energy that you added to our home,
still missing the sound of you skipping steps on your way up to shower in the morning,
still missing your happiness, still missing your smile.

I am still missing this man who lived large and filled the room with his presence.
I am still missing Michael Barranco.... my lover, my best friend, my tender warrior.

3 comments:

Anonymous Says:
April 14, 2011 at 3:32 PM

That is gorgeous! That came from God, not from you.

Anonymous Says:
April 15, 2011 at 3:48 AM

In this early morning hour, I pray God continues to pour His love and character into you. All that you have learned and experienced is cleansing, purifying and strenghtening to you, your family, those around you and, I believe, to those who will never even meet you. I further pray the balm of the Holy Spirit will saturate every part of your being and make gentle your path. Every day we are one step closer to stepping fully into that glorious light. Blessings, blessings, blessings, vast blessings upon you.

Anonymous Says:
April 15, 2011 at 7:35 AM

Jene'-how incredibily blessed you are to have had that kind of relationship with Michael. I know that it is extraoridinarily hard to face life without his physical presence, love and support, but really, you have been blessed beyond measure and can go through life knowing that you were incredibly loved. Most women never experience the kind of relationship you had but long for it deeply. I know I did and still do. My husband chose to leave after 20 years of marriage which is very painful too. I am thankful that you do not have to live with the knowledge that your husband chose to leave you. Michael had no choice in the matter. I can assure you that God will take care of you, as He has me and will continue to use you and your family in a mighty way.

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