Live with a Passion

This week I was having lunch with a friend who was in from out of town and we were discussing a wide range of topics.  I was holding myself together fairly well, for being in a public place around a large crowd of people.  We were talking about a man that she knew, who was in his sixties and on his second marriage.   He had changed jobs many times in his life and was now a salesman in a local store.  She was talking as if she was longing for him to find that something that he never discovered in his life.  I began to feel his disappointment with life and I asked her, "Has he not ever found his passion in life?"  She said no.  I looked out the window and began to cry.  I told her how tragic it would be to live your life without ever discovering or walking in your passion. What a mundane life.... life is too short not to follow your passion.  What makes your adrenaline flow?  What brings you joy?  What gives you energy instead of draining you of all of all that you have?  In the very least, help your spouse discover their passion and, in doing so, you may discover your own.

 I was hurting for all of the couples that never discover their passion in life together.... what they were brought to this earth for, what their "glory" is, the unique "role they have to play"(as John Eldredge would say.)  Michael lived his life with passion. We lived our lives together with passion.  He did not do anything that he was not passionate about.  If he did, it drained him, brought him down, and it quickly got cut from his life.  Life was too short.  We both made our decisions to live our lives the way we saw it needed to be lived, in order to walk and live in our passions, no matter how different it may look to the world.  Every choice we made was built around our passions and convictions.  The old saying is true, "If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything."  Standing for something gives you strength and focus.  We knew from the beginning that we were passionate souls.  We stood firmly and did not waiver.  Life was so much more beautiful, spontaneous, exciting, energizing, and satisfying by following our passions.  Why would we want to be like everybody else when living like the individuals and the couple that God created us to be was so exciting?  My life with Michael was quite a ride.  We were always excited about the future and welcomed change.  If there was even a hint of good news coming our way in any area of our lives, he would say, "Let's celebrate!"  He loved to celebrate life's little achievement's no matter how big or how small.  There was always something worth celebrating.  By him following his passions, he fueled me following mine.

 Last year, there were a few months that I lost my passion.  It was a very low place to be.  Once he recognized my dampened spirit, he asked me, "What are you passionate about?"  I admitted that I had slowly, over a couple of months, lost my way and could not see my passion.  He had been busy planning the merger and I was consumed with taking care of our foster child, fighting for his rights against the bureaucracy,  and had recently been informed that we would not be able to adopt him.  My passion had led to a broken heart.... the down side to living with passion. A broken heart from following your passion hurts more than where there is no passion at stake.  Like the saying, it is better to have loved than to have not loved at all.....it is better to live with passion and experience some disappointments than to go through life without ever discovering your passion, or even worse, discover it and not have the courage to live in it and pursue it.  It is the risk we take, and worth every bit of the risk. Being a foster parent was a risk, but we were passionate about "caring for the orphans".  And because we were passionate, a family was restored....his biological family.  It did not turn out like we selfishly thought it would, but for everyone involved, it turned out for the best.

My passions right now feel like they are neutral, numb, or even sputtering.  I know it will take some time to get them refueled.  I know they are still there, they are just dormant for the time being.  New passions have taken over.  My passion to pull through this season of life and covering my children with all of my love and support is what motivates me daily.  Michael looked at his life, and ours together, as one big opportunity.  Life was there for the living and the taking. It is still one big opportunity and still there for the living.... it is just painful and slow, adjusting to the fact that I don't have Michael to share my passion for life. The journey was fun with him by my side.  He lived intentionally.  We lived intentionally.  We lived with our passions leading the way. Life was short. We lived it well..... live with passion.