No Reply from Heaven

 I received a response yesterday to my post “Tears in the Closet”.  My friend reminded me of the “extreme separation”, which are the words I used to describe this spiritual and physical separation from Michael, that Jesus felt on the cross.  He wrote, “He felt it acutely when He was pouring out His life and His blood on the cross for our sins.  At that point and time, the Father had to leave Him, separated from everyone and everything on the cross so the sacrifice would be complete.  He cried out, ‘My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?’  There was no reply from heaven.”  Forsaken means to give up or abandon something formerly held dear.  If I were being honest with myself about this, and that is what this blog is all about, I feel a bit forsaken by God.  I don’t feel like He is gone or has left me behind, but I feel like I am in the “and there was no reply from heaven” stage.  It is similar to the times when you are sitting next to a best friend  or your spouse, and you can sit comfortably in silence because of the love and understanding between the two of you.  Sometimes there are no words needed or no words that can be said.  Some of the best comfort I have received from friends these past 3 months, has been a loving embrace and a knowing look into the eyes that says, “I love you, I am hurting too.  I am here for you” , but it is all unspoken.   I have always enjoyed a two- way conversation with God.  I have heard His voice, a few special times audibly, most other times a quiet whisper to my spirit, and sometimes through someone else.  I would talk to Him, and if I took time to listen to Him, He would talk to me.   At this point in our relationship, I feel like we are sitting quietly next to each other without speaking a word.  What can be said?  What comfort can words bring?   I feel Him with me all of time.  I feel His comfort.  I feel the silent understanding.  I don’t hear answers or advice.  I know He is hurting for me and loving me, but there is no reply from heaven, and, quite frankly, I am not speaking much either.  I thank Him for carrying me through each day…. Actually, come to think of it, when I do talk to Him, all I can do is thank Him for the life He has given me up to this point. I do have much to be thankful for, but beyond that, I just don’t know what to say to Him.  I sit in silence a lot in my bedroom and wonder, ‘Should I say something more to Him?’, but there is nothing….so we sit in silence together.  I am listening every waking hour.  The silence does not mean we are absent from one another.  It is a loss for words….. not that God is ever at a loss for words, but I am.