Member of the Fellowship of the Unashamed - Part 2

….I am (still) part of the “Fellowship of the Unashamed” And when He comes to get His own, He’ll have no problems recognizing me.  My colors will be clear….

Yesterday, I felt like I was reading the “Fellowship of the Unashamed”, as a whole, for the first time.  I understood the gist of it when I heard it that day it was read at the memorial service, but I did not take in a lot of the details.  Much of it overwhelmed me yesterday, in my thoughts, as I read each little statement of faith, confidence, and surety.  I was reminded that Michael and I were co-laborers in Christ.  We stood firmly together in our beliefs; we had  “ stepped over the line” together and joined the Fellowship of the Unashamed as a powerful twosome for the kingdom of God.  “Small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tame visions, mundane talking, chintzy giving, and dwarfed goals” were not in our path set before us.  We made many decisions for our lives that were unpopular with friends, family, and strangers.  We never cared because we knew and trusted God’s ways, His gentle leading in our lives, His voice, and always tried to stay Kingdom minded in all of our decisions.  Listening to His voice was all that mattered.  It is easier to have a clear mission when your parameters are clearly set.  Being a member of the Fellowship of the Unashamed establishes your parameters for you.  It makes it easier to stay the course.  We leaned, or pressed in, through our lives with faith, loved by patience, lived by prayer, and labored by power.  Our faces were set towards the road God had chosen for us.  Our gait was fast, our goal was heaven, our road was narrow, the way was rough, our companions were few, but our Guide was reliable.  Yesterday, when I read the part that says, “my gait is fast,” it jumped out at me. 

When I come across emotions or memories about that which I want to write and further develop my thoughts, or give myself a time and a place to cry about something, I write the thoughts down on a running list to go back to later when I am in the right place to face them.  About two months ago, I wrote down, “My Gait”.  I noticed how markedly different it was and still is.  I have always had a fast gait. I walked with a purpose, a mission, everywhere I went.  It was a confident gait.  It was athletic at times.  My head was always up and my gaze was always looking ahead in the direction that I was going.  If walking in a building, I would walk right past people sometimes, without acknowledging them because my mind would be completely engrossed in the thoughts necessary for the place I was heading and the people with whom I would be meeting…my gait is different now.  It is much slower.  My head is bent down most of the time.  My gaze is usually at my feet or on the ground before me.

 I know I will get my gait back one day, but having the wind knocked out of me has caused me to take things at a different pace and each step requires contemplation of why I believe what I believe, what kind of a story am I living in here in this life, am I strong enough to play the role I have been chosen to play, where do I need to change my thinking, (if anywhere), and all of the other questions that seem to come across my mind as I walk with my slower gait.   I have to rethink things.  I am still confident and sure in Christ.  I still believe that my Guide is reliable.  I am having the biggest paradigm shift in my entire life.  I can be confident and sure in Christ, but it changes beyond that.  My purpose and mission remain the same and I have told this to my children. Our purpose for the choices we have made for our lives has not changed just because Michael is no longer with us.   I am still a member of the Fellowship of the Unashamed.  I shall not be moved.  It is with much more depth, wisdom, and discernment that I take each step.