Sometimes When We Touch

Recently, I had a flashback to a pivotal moment in our relationship while Michael and I were dating. I believe I have stated it before, but if I have not, Michael and I met on September 5, 1986, were engaged Christmas Eve just four months later, then married on September 5, 1987.  We met on a weekend night on his break from singing, went out the next night on our first date, then two weeks later, after having been out every night, we knew that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. At the end of those two weeks, I remember vividly sitting on his couch in his house on St. Mary’s Street in the Belhaven neighborhood.  He had a little cold and so I had made him some split pea soup.  We had just eaten dinner together and now were talking on the couch with the radio playing in the background.  The song, “Sometimes When We Touch”, came on the radio, and I thought I was going to break in two.  I knew, at that moment, that I had to live the rest of my life with this man who God had just dropped into my life out of, what appeared to be, nowhere, two weeks prior.  I was so overwhelmed with the “knowing” of this fact and the pain of what my life would be like without him in it, that it hurt…. Almost as much as it hurts to live without him now.   I had never known that loving so deeply could also hurt as equally deep. I think the hurt comes from the fear of being hurt, the intensity of the emotions, and knowing what you would do for this person whom you love with all of your heart. 

 Although the whole song was not appropriate to our feelings, much of it was.  I felt like crying that night when I heard the lyrics playing in the background of our conversation.  Did I know of the pain that would come?  Was it already breaking my heart?  I don’t know, but I do know that the song and that moment ripped my heart that night and it was never the same.  He had my heart forever from that point forward.  As I have said before, if I had to do it all over again,(even knowing the ending), I would do it all over again, exactly the same…

…. And sometimes when we touch,

the honesty’s too much and I have to close my eyes and hide

I wanna hold you till I die

Till we both break down and cry

I want to you hold you till the fear in me subsides.