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Where Do I Begin – Part 3

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

A somewhat recent example of a movie that broke my heart was Disney’s, “Enchanted”.  Do you see what I am saying?   This movie is a fairy tale, a blend of reality and imagination; a world that may or may not be real.  Isn’t that similar to what we have as humans, when we try to imagine what heaven is like and how it fits into our real minds?  How can our human minds completely conceive the spiritual realm?  Not that the idea of heaven, earth, and hell is a fairy tale, because it is not.  It is truer than we know it to be, just because we don’t understand it all, or even see it, does not make it any less real.  We get a glimpse, or partial understandings, but that is all.

It makes me think of 1 Corinthians 13:9-13,
“For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.  When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.  When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.  Now we see but a poor reflection; then we shall see face to face.  Now, I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am known fully. And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love.  But the greatest of these is love.”  Even though I am now beginning to make some new connections in the journey/story of my life, I only know in part, but one day I will know fully.

The most unexpected places, moments, movies, and the most unexpected songs would often enter the place in my heart that was reserved for the grief I would one day carry.  I don’t fully understand why God had that door cracked for so many years of my life and I had to carry the unknown pain alone, because how could I make anyone understand it when, I, myself, could not make sense of it.

The part of “Enchanted” that tore me up on the inside, (more than it should have), was a scene near the end when the characters are dancing at an enchanted ball.  The two leads do a ballroom dance while Jon McLaughlin sings, “So Close”.  There are parts of it that literally took my breath away.  I have seen the movie about three times since its release in 2008, but every time it is the same.  It was just like the feeling I have had of being blindsided by a situation or a thing, since Michael’s death, which catches me so off guard, that the tears rush suddenly and it feels like the wind has been knocked out of me.  My sister placed this movie in my stack of movies to bring for my retreat this weekend, (she did not know any of this), but I have not watched it because I was not sure if I could handle that scene, even as silly and fun as the rest of the movie is.  It seems too real to me.

“So Close” by Jon McLaughlin

You’re in my arms and all the world is calm
The music playing on for two
So close together, and when I’m with you
So Close to feeling alive

A life goes by, romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine good-bye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted, to hold you
So Close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come
So far, we are, so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close, to reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing, this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming, for we know we are
So close, so close, and still so far


Anonymous Says:
August 30, 2011 at 11:19 PM

Dear Jene- Praying for you today. Breaks my heart to read about your journey, and how much you miss your Michael.You are in my thoughts daily, and I pray for you and the children often. Love you all, Hilmari

Anonymous Says:
September 4, 2011 at 7:48 AM

Dear Jene - I am among the many who pray for you daily and think of you often. As a fan of "Hearts of Space," sometimes the contemplative nature of the music bring my thoughts to you and your journey. This week's show is especially moving in a soft, quiet way. The description for this week's program (Program 911 Space Guitars 9: Galacticaster) is "colossal chords, cosmic chimes, soaring flights, gentle weeping." I pray your weeping will become gentler over time, your intense grief will loosen and your spirit will begin to soar again. I believe you could find some healing balm in this music. www.hos.com

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